The Amber Waves Diversion
by madamocho
Summary: In the Holographic Excitation (6x5) there is a part where Bernadette says you get back what you put into relationships. Amy says that's not always true. She gave Sheldon her best come hither look and he responded by explaining how wheat came to be cultivated. So I thought, "That's the fan fic I want to write!" This fan fiction is gluten free. ;)


**The Amber Waves Diversion**

* * *

**a/n This fan fic is a companion piece to both The Re-Entry Minimization (6x4) and The Holographic Excitation (6x5).  
**

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. If I did I wouldn't have a computer that was so old it ran on coal.

* * *

Sheldon was absolutely disgusted with Leonard and a little disappointed in himself. They had lost every game they had played against Penny and Amy. Every. Single. Game. Including one that included basic long division. It had to end here and now. A son of Texas was not going down that easily. Wrestling was not his suggestion, but he had run out of ideas long ago for new challenges. Leonard looked like he was just going to give up and let the girls declare victory. He rolled his eyes at him. What do you expect from a son of New Jersey?

Sheldon got into position on his knees. "OK who am I wrestling? Let's get this over with."

Penny got a mischievous look in her eye and a fabulous idea. "I think you and Amy should wrestle."

Amy's head popped up at this. She hadn't thought about this eventuality. Sheldon and her kneeling over one another, grabbing one another, pulling the other to the floor until one dominates the other by pressing their body flat against the other, pinning them to the floor as the other person writhes against them. She started to blush at this and get a little tingly. _Hmm. Win or lose…I end up winning._ A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

Sheldon realized the same thing at the same time because his eyes became round and his face crimson. He pictured a flushed Amy lying beneath him, panting hard, hair askew and wild. His heart skittered in his chest. But wait, they haven't won anything all night. What about on the off chance that he lost. Then he pictured her sitting on top of him, red cheeked, exhilarated and breathless as she gazed down at him triumphantly with electric green eyes crackling. His heart stopped dead in his chest.

Sheldon swallowed audibly and began in a cracked voice. "I don't think… that would be fair. I mean, Amy is dressed in a skirt. It wouldn't be fair to take advantage…" He thought of taking advantage of Amy fleetingly. "…uh hum of her inappropriate wrestling attire."

Everyone stared at Sheldon. Leonard and Penny with curious amusement, Amy with slight disappointment. "Fine then, if you're afraid Amy will hurt you, I'll do it." Penny grinned at Sheldon and he gave her a haughty look.

"I wasn't afraid Amy was going to hurt me. I… never mind let's do this."Sheldon thought better about explaining why.

Sheldon was barely able to tolerate Penny draped on top of him in traditional wrestling starting position. He was glad it wasn't Amy pressed close against him, her breath in his ear, her brown hair tickling his face. He would not be able to stand it. He was preoccupied by these thoughts and didn't hear his girlfriend announce, "One, two, three, wrestle!" Penny flipped him over immediately, and pinned him with no effort. Sheldon let out a very girly scream, and weakly struggled in vain.

After Sheldon was completely immobilized, Penny had another mischievous thought. She planted a big kiss on the tip of Sheldon's nose, leaving pink lip stick behind. Sheldon was not amused. He started yelling at her to stop, but his words went unheeded as she continued to kiss his cheeks. He started to call for help from Amy. _She'll come to my aid, kissing another person is clearly in breach of the relationship agreement, even though I am not a willing participant. She will put a stop to this unhygienic assault and save her man!_

Unfortunately for Sheldon, Amy found this hilarious, and a perfect opportunity to get in a few kisses herself. She covered Sheldon's forehead with kisses until Leonard made them stop.

The night ended with everyone covered in blueberries, and the women remaining undefeated all evening long. Amy and Penny were feeling on the top of the world, while the boy's felt humiliated. "Aw don't take it too hard guys, there's always next time." Amy smiled broadly at them, picking a stray blueberry off the floor.

"I don't think there is going to be a next time." Leonard was taking this a bit hard. "Unless we switch partners." He threw an exasperated look at Sheldon.

"Excuse me. I was clearly the stronger member of this team Mr. I can't draw a chocolate chip cookie!" Sheldon's blue nostrils flared.

"At least I know the difference between polish and Polish."

"Boys, please. Don't point fingers of blame at each other. You both suck." Penny laughed. "Come on Leonard, why don't we go next door and I'll let you check me for blueberries?"

Leonard and Sheldon turned to her frowning.

"I don't think I want to after the way you rubbed in the fact that we lost every time tonight. You were pretty mean to Sheldon and me" Leonard crossed his arms, playing hard to get.

Penny looked at him, and then turned to Amy. She leaned over and whispered into Amy's ear. "Watch and learn. This look is guaranteed to turn men into putty in your hands."

She turned from Amy and looked at Leonard. "Leonard, I'm sorry I said you suck and laughed at you. But I really would make it worth your while if we could go now." Amy noticed the look of pure raw sexuality Penny directed at a helpless Leonard. He was a goner.

"OK I forgive you." Leonard almost ran to the door, grabbing Penny's hand on the way out.

Amy and Sheldon watched the door slam behind the departing couple. "Leonard could probably get a lot more things done if he didn't only think with his genitals." Sheldon shook his head. "Well I guess it is time to say goodnight Amy, I would say I had a lovely evening, but then I would be lying."

Amy frowned. "Sheldon, are you really that much of a sore loser?"

"I just think that tonight's games were skewed heavily in your favor." He really was that much of a sore loser.

Amy was going to ask why he thought that but then decided against having Sheldon lecture her for hours on end. She changed the subject.

"Since you were cheated out of a fun evening tonight, how about I treat you to a day at the zoo Saturday? I'll even buy lunch."

Sheldon's mood changed when he thought about koalas. Amy was a delight at the zoo. She always had knowledge to share with him about behavior and habitat enrichment. It would help him forget about tonight's defeat. "O.K. Amy. Pick me up Saturday at eleven." He smiled at her as he walked her to the door. They said goodnight and she left.

* * *

Saturday promptly at eleven, Amy knocked on the door of apartment 4A. Sheldon answered the door, and gave her his special Amy grin. "Hello Amy, are you ready for our day at the zoo?"

Amy's face lit up when she saw him. "I sure am. The new chimpanzee habitat just opened and I can't wait to see it."

They proceeded down the stairs when they ran into Penny coming up the stairs, mail in hand. "Hey guys! Where are you two headed?"

Sheldon's mood soured instantly in the presence of his neighbor. "We are going to the zoo. You however, will be taking my class again as you have earned a third strike for that picture you sent me after I gave you a second strike."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me! I never should have gotten the second strike in the first place."Penny rolled her eyes. "Wait a minute. How am I gonna take your stupid class when your not here anyway?"

Sheldon crossed his arms together. "I have burned a DVD of my class for you and included the test in an envelope I slid under your door. You have until Monday at 9pm to complete it."

Amy had been watching her bestie and boyfriend squabble and decided to ask a question. "Why did you get a second strike?"

Penny was fuming. "Oh, it was after we had that game night and we handed Sheldon and Leonard their asses. I got in trouble for kissing his face when we were wrestling. I think he was just being a sore loser."

"And the third strike?"

"After he sent me a text saying I had a second strike, I sent him back a picture of me giving the one finger salute." Penny grumbled.

"Penny, you think you would have learned by now that that type of behavior is unacceptable." Sheldon slowly shook his head.

"Can you believe him?" Penny turned to Amy. "Did you get a strike too for kissing him on game night?"

"No." Amy's forehead crinkled as she thought of something. "Sheldon's never given me any strikes. Ever." She looked over at her boyfriend puzzled.

"Penny looked at Sheldon too. "Oh really? How very interesting. It seems that not everybody is held to the same standard."

Sheldon's cheeks were burning. "Penny, you desist with this topic of conversation or…"

"Or what? I already have three strikes. Anyway I know why _she_ doesn't get strikes and the rest of us do." She continued up the stairs passing them on the way up and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

Sheldon was blushing furiously. It didn't help that Amy was still looking at him quizzically. He started walking down the stairs again, Amy following him, when his phone chimed with a text message. He continued walking down the stairs as he read the message from Penny, and almost fell down the last two stairs. The message said:

_It's because you loooove Amy!_

* * *

Sheldon was quiet in the car on the way to the zoo. Amy had asked if he was OK several times and he curtly said he was fine. They got to the zoo and headed straight to the monkeys. The chimp habitat was spectacular; they had so much more space it made Amy happy. Next stop was the koalas, which were as adorable as ever, but Sheldon was too distracted to enjoy them much. He only was able to produce a shadow of his koala face. Amy was concerned at his sudden change in attitude. He was fine until he talked to Penny on the stairs.

They sat down at an outside table to eat lunch. "Sheldon, you haven't been yourself since we ran into Penny this morning. Do you want to talk about it?"

Sheldon looked up from his burger. _Lord no!_

"No, I'm fine. I'm just thinking about something."

"I'm worried about you, Sheldon. Are you sure there isn't anything I can do for you?" She looked him deeply in the eyes with concern.

_Those bewitching eyes are the reason I'm in this mess!_ Sheldon squirmed in his seat and reassured her. "No, thank you. Now let's finish our lunch and continue with the African exhibits." He took a big bite of his burger and tried to give her a confidant smile. He failed miserably.

Back in apartment 4A later that evening, Sheldon was better than earlier, but still distracted. Amy was getting frustrated with him. She thought he should talk to her about whatever was troubling him. He had confided with her in the past. Why not now? She thought back to the point when Sheldon started acting odd. It was in the stairwell on the way to the zoo after talking to Penny. Was that what was bothering him? Penny and Sheldon were talking about Penny having to take his class because of receiving three strikes. Penny mentioned a double standard when Sheldon doled out strikes. Come to think of it, how come she never was given strikes? She may have found the key for his discomfort. The reason why, she had no clue.

They had picked up Chinese on the way back to the apartment and were in the middle of eating when she decided to question him. "Sheldon I believe I pinpointed the moment today when you became distracted. Does it have something to do with when you talked to Penny earlier?"

Sheldon paused with his fork half way to his mouth. "Um, no. I'm just thinking of an equation that has been vexing me since yesterday." His right eye began to slightly twitch.

Amy noticed the twitching right away. He was not being truthful. She thought of Penny's come hither look. She had once bragged that no secret was safe once she gave Leonard "The Look". Maybe Sheldon would tell the truth if she laid on the charm. Then again it was Sheldon. _Well what did she have to lose?_

"Actually, speaking of that earlier conversation with Penny." She put her plate down on the table and leaned against the back of the couch. Amy pivoted her body so that her knees were pointed at Sheldon, and then tucked her legs up on the couch. Sheldon looked alarmed. "When she mentioned that I was the only one you don't give strikes to, why is that?"

Amy took her hand and rested it on his leg, lightly stroking it, then moved her smoldering gaze up his body till she was looking him in the eyes. His beautiful, blue, increasingly twitchy, eyes.

Sheldon was in trouble. First Penny and her nonsense, now Amy and her questions he would rather not answer. He really didn't know why he never gave her strikes. It basically came down to the fact that the first time he was going to give her one, he couldn't bear to do so. Amy was held apart from the rest of the rabble he had to put up with, and if he had to look into the reason why he valued her over the others he would have a panic attack or just faint dead away. Denial was his best option. So the scientist who always had a thirst for knowledge was not even going to try to figure this out.

He glanced down at her hand on his leg and gulped. Then his eyes fell on his dinner resting on his lap, getting colder by the minute. He wished he could just finish eating his noodles in peace, instead of thinking of how intently Amy was looking at him. _And touching him!_ Sheldon looked at his plate again. _Noodles. Noodles!_

"Amy did you know that approximately 10,000 B.C. wheat began to be domesticated in southeast Turkey? Our ancestors had been collecting wild wheat strains as far back as 21,000 B.C. However the wild varieties have a brittle rachis, which disperses the seeds to aid in propagation. That made harvesting difficult. Domesticated wheat have a rachis that does not shatter, thus leaving the seed head intact for harvest." He had a small grin on his face as he warmed to the subject matter. _I might get away with it. _Amy's best seductive smile began to falter.

"Scholars debate the length of time it took to domesticate wheat. Some speculate a few hundred years, other 5000 years. There are currently 25,000 different cultivars of wheat in the world and most fall into two varieties: common wheat and durum…"

"Sheldon!" Amy's smile had ended; followed by disappointment her seduction techniques had fallen flat. Yet again. "I don't really care about wheat!" She removed her hand from his leg and stood to go. "If you don't want to answer my question, I can't make you. But I don't have to sit here and get lied to either." She grabbed her purse off the chair and stormed off towards the door.

Sheldon stood up from his spot, alarmed. "I didn't want to lie to you, that's why I changed the subject." That didn't come out right.

Amy stopped with her hand on the doorknob, and then turned around exasperated. "Sheldon, why do you feel you have to lie to me? We are in a relationship you can tell me anything."

He hung his head down. "I didn't mean to lie to you, Amy. I just wanted to drop the subject. But you kept pressing me and I didn't know what else to do."

"I'm sorry Sheldon, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. Let's just finish dinner and forget it ever happened." She walked back over to the couch and put her purse down. They both sat down and picked up their forgotten dinners. They gave each other a slight uneasy smile. Amy captured his eyes. "Now Sheldon, I want you to know that you never have to lie to me again. It's always good in a relationship to be truthful." She went back to eating her dinner.

Sheldon watched her take a bite, then stabbed at a dumpling and sighed. Easier said than done.

_How in the world can I be truthful to her, when I can't even be truthful to myself about her?_

* * *

**_A/N I'm a firm believer that Sheldon is in complete denial of his love of Amy. It's fun to second guess just what he is thinking about as opposed to what his actions actually are. Please feel free to review.  
_**


End file.
